(To read footnotes in a document on the internet, under "view" click print layout.)
On each sitemap page, (F) = a worksheet or form to fill out and/or use.
                  
**Consider using the "Our Relationship" Notebook, as it is an excellent device for reference and for planning and creating the relationship you really want. 

CONTENTS: 

INTRODUCTION
WHAT SHOULD BE A TOP PRIORITY IN MY LEARNING? 
THE NUMBER ONE DETERMINANT OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE!  
THE PENALTY OF NOT LEARNING - Great costs!  Miss lots of the greatest rewards in life.
THE MINIMUM MINIMUM LEARNING - The essential quick grounding program.
WHAT TO LEARN - The overview, the specifics, checklist
     See also:  Gender-Based Differences  
DEVELOPING/COMMITING TO THE LEARNING PROGRAM - Use the designed program and/or modify and add to it, via the other materials provided.
INDIVIDUAL PIECES TO READ - Scan the list, read what is relevant
EXAMPLE LEARNING PROGRAMS FOR OTHERS    
CASE STUDIES 


THE PENALTY OF NOT LEARNING: 

Being low skilled and less aware in a relationship is like trying to fly a plane with little training and alot of supposition - it seldom works and can be fatal to the relationship.  Much emotional cost accompanies not having a good relationship and much is missed if one does not learn to have a great relationship.

See the master page Create/Design and also read What A Great Relationship Looks Like.


THE MINIMUM MINIMUM:  Do at least this, to honor your partner and the relationship:
                    
          ESSENTIAL QUICK GROUNDING IN RELATIONSHIPS - Learn the basics or
              you'll be flying blind, even if you don't think that is true! 


DEVELOPING THE LEARNING PROGRAM:


          WHAT IS NEEDED TO BE LEARNED IN RELATIONSHIPS - OVERVIEW - Look at this to
              get the overview and perspective, on one page, of what is  needed to learn and the next 
              step.
          Things We Could Choose To Learn As A Couple -  An overview of the key basics and a
              checklist of what you can choose to learn.
          Learning: Topics To Learn About To Enhance Our Relationship -  A detailed list to choose
             from, for more complete learning.  Choose which you need and want to learn.
          Video Online Program - Tells you how to build relationships, including a "Couples on The
             Street" sharing feature, and gives evaluations and printouts from what you've answered.  It
             even emails you summaries of the key points in each exercise.  There is a cost that is
              reasonable that gives you unlimited access for a period, plus all the evaluations and
              training.  A bargain and something you both can do together.  eharmony.com 

     Learning "in action"

           Reading something will help your learning, but immediate application and thinking in more 
             depth creates a longer lasting, more complete learning that is far more effective.  Toward
             that end, if your relationship is not perfect and you are not totally aware and trained in the
             area, we recommend that you do at least one of the exercises in these books every
             week, preferably two or more.  Yes, this takes time, but isn't investing a couple of hours a
             week in the most valuable long term investment (besides yourself) in the world worth it?

            IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP, YOU'VE GOT TO DO THIS! 

           Getting The Love You Want Workbook, Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt - Lots of great
             exercises in a systematic order and an opportunity to create an excellent relationship. 
             You'd probably want to do this one first, then McGraw's book, eliminating the
             duplications. 
           The Relationship Rescue Workbook, Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D.- Questionnaires, quizzes,
             and exercises all designed to get you in touch with yourself and how you are in the
             relationship and how to resolve problems and make the relationship work.

     See and select from the Relationship Resources section.

                 
SOME PIECES TO USE AND/OR READ ALSO:

           The Process in Mastering "Relationship" - Will be added later, but there is enough
                 here to work on 

                   Actions - My Commitment To Actions I Will Take To Have My Desired Level of
                      Conscious Relationship - A detailed list of what one can choose to commit to and
                      at which level of attainment, from psychological health to willingness vs. resistance
                      and barriers, including how much time you are willing to commit to.
                   Action Ideas To Create Our Relationship The Way We Want It To Be     
                   Briefing Pieces To Try - Written for a particular person to become more aware on
                      some key relationship matters, especially the effects of blame and resentment -
                      the relationship killers.
                   Feedback - Getting It From Others, The Reality Check - One of the most valuable
                      exercises you can ever do.  Be sure to listen, for the feedback you get can change
                      your life and dramatically improve your relationships!
                   Learning: If I Need To Learn Something About Intimate Relationships - In Order To
                      Have Better Results - What does that mean about me, about my partner...does it
                      mean something "bad"?
                   Learning:  Topics To Learn About To Enhance Our Relationship - Choose Which  
                   PROCESS FOR CREATING AND SUSTAINING A GREAT RELATIONSHIP!
                   Relationship Therapy   
                   Training In Relationships - What path are you willing to go down and what should you
                      learn?
                   Workshops - What Is Effective And What Isn't - Don't waste your time or use it with
                      minimal effect. If you're considering a workshop, be sure to make sure that there
                      are certain effectiveness characteristics included, such as a followup program to
                      make sure it all is mastered.  (See Relationship Resources.)










EXAMPLE LEARNING PROGRAMS DESIGNED FOR OTHERS        

                   Reading list for a couple to be more clear on responsibility, control, and perceptions:
                         Dick and Carol's Relationship Reading List - While this is not long, per se, it
                            does hit some very key points.  To complete and finalize certain behaviors and
                            realizations, we also used in the same session the item in the Agreements                                    section called: Behaviors, Realizations, and Commitments



LEARNING AND MASTERING "RELATIONSHIP"
ESSENTIAL TO YOUR HAPPINESS
INTRODUCTION

"...Marriage carries a great risk.  In our society, three [or probably more] out of four end in disappointment - either in unhappiness or divorce.  The single best way to assure that your marriage will succeed is to build, hone and perfect your mate selection skills."  But if you're already married, then the best way is to thoroughly ground and train yourself in the skills of marriage - it makes no sense to be unskilled in this area - and almost everyone is.

"If I asked you to fly a plane..., I'm sure you would reach out for expert guidance."  And you'd learn as soon as possible and as completely as you can, instead of letting it 'just happen'.  And a marriage relationship is far more complex.  Doesn't it deserve your best efforts?

Read, now, the section called:  "Essential Quick Grounding In Relationships" and decide to do those items, for sure!!!!  Know especially "Gender Based Differences" - if you're not an expert in this, then you're an amateur - and you can't afford to be that, in such a vital area.


Direct quotes are from Neil Clark Warren from his excellent CD set "Finding The Love Of Your Life", eHarmony.com.


WHAT SHOULD BE A TOP PRIORITY IN MY LEARNING?

Learning problem solving skills in relationship, in a context of "no-blame."


THE NUMBER ONE DETERMINANT OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE:

How you manage conflict (and problem solving) and if you avoid conflict, watch out!!! Click here. 

Besides training in managing conflict, and perhaps even more important, is establishing a more solid emotional foundation and confidence so that the relationship killers do not persist: blame, resentment, and non-acceptance and so that you'll have the balance to be able to manage conflict instead of it running you. Be sure to master that piece of the solution!!!!

(See Communication section, especially "Criticism, Blame...", and Relationship Resources.)
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GO TO THE RESOURCES

Always consider accessing the prescreened Resources
- See the navigation bar above
         Also: It would be useful to read
           
                   The Deterioration and The Repair of Relationships, as it will give you insight into what
                       needs to be understood to have a relationship not deteriorate (so that it can thrive
                        instead, as it will if the full repair is done).  See Relationship,
                        Needs/Problems/Conflicts,Repair/EnhanceRelationship . 
To go to AMAZON to buy the books:

In Association with Amazon.com
Use at least the suggestions below and also explore on this site what is needed to create the relationship you want.

Possibly you might want to use The Relationship Checklist, for a good overview and as a tool.

See the Learn About Rel. section of the Detailed Contents/Links Relationship Section.