I considered whether this section belonged in the Relationship section (as it kills relationships) or in the Psychology section (as it is the source of most unhappiness). So, I referenced it in the Relationship navigation bar, but separated it into it own special section.
Any criticism, blaming, complaining, controlling, lack of self confidence, anger, etc., is based on the thinking involved in the "victim syndrome".
When we free ourselves up from the erroneous belief related to this area, our lives and our effect on others close to us become immensely better.
Unless you are enlightened fully, if you think you aren't part of this, you're believing in something that is not true, so you should read this to see why. And take the Where Are You On The Victim Vs. Cause Scale? rating sheet.
Even those who believe they are "strong" but who also express disgust or anger (which is blame based) strongly or control others are stuck in this syndrome.
Anybody judging anybody as wrong or less than is definitely a player in the game.
Those who are "all together" and "cool" who gossip are also playing in the victim game.
Those who are incredibly accomplished, with the highest standards, and who seek to have others measure up to those standards are playing the victim game. (Resentment is a killer of people and relationships.)
Even a person who is "totally selfless" and there for others is acting as a victim and probably also damaging those who are closest to him or her (for lack of boundaries is a sign of victim thinking).
Why do people believe this?
We simply learn this as a child and then we continue without questioning it. We fail to realize that the conclusions were made by a young person with inadequate life knowledge and without full logic capabilities.
And why don't they learn to operate/live at a higher level?
1. They aren't aware of it, so they don't do anything. (Or they believe this is
simply the way it is. Or they believe they can't or don't need to relearn it.)
2. They don't think they have the time for all this "growth crap" (or some other
You don't not have the time to learn something so vital to life and to relationships.
If you learn this, I will absolutely guarantee that you will be more straight thinking, more effective, much happier, and that your relationship will improve dramatically. You will even benefit others by being an example and a model for their own behavior.
GROUNDING MODULE/'BOOKLET', READ FIRST, IN THIS ORDER:
life. When learned, it makes a huge difference in saving effort and problems.
basic that all people should learn. It makes a huge difference in relationships and
making life easier.
Read in the Psychology section, EmotionManagement, Anger/Blame/Victim:
buy into) it. Extremely important, even vital.
to communicate cleanly in this manner makes the relationship much easier and
better. (6 pages)
and of love and your life will transform.
change to occur in another without opposition or another problem occurring. SETTING BOUNDARIES - Without this skill, you're likely to be subject to needless
"hurts". Without training people to honor one's boundaries, they will step on your
Consider reading also: The asterisked * items, below.
(TO READ FOOTNOTES [they are vital] in a document on the internet, under "view", click print layout. If that doesn't work, put cursor on the footnote number)
On each sitemap page, (F) = a worksheet or form to fill out and/or use.
THIS AREA MUST BE HANDLED!
All of these come from the same place and are often heavily related to anger or hate, but
are ultimately just a form of defense that is dysfunctional and harmful to others, to yourself,
and especially to relationships. Eliminating this juvenile way of behaving and reacting, as
much as possible, from your life is ESSENTIAL!
Learning (Overview) Module, specifically "Judge/Critic" and "No-Blame - The Reasoning
BOUNDARIES AND ABUSE:
continue where it shouldn't be allowed!
very effective way of stopping abuse of any sort.
anger, so refer also to Psychology, Emotion Management and specifically to Anger.
Closely related also is resentment, below. This is a form of negative communication; see
that section also. Blame is the opposite of responsibility - see the Responsibility page,
Dumb and Dumber contribute their message and how the Adult in one can handle
that for a better relationship!
Negative Communication - General
Gossip - One of the very damaging practices that people get sucked into, lowering their
whole emotional tone level though seemingly harmless and innocent. Taken from a
great summary, with permission.
to your partner to stop all negative, unproductive communication.
Be careful not to go below this. Your partner may still stay, but the relationship
quality will not be good!!!!
Resentment, The Relationship Killer
resenter and then make a decision on what would work for you.
and the other person. Note where resentment is on the Love-Hate scale.
Victim - A whole new section was created on this, as it is a prime cause of unhappiness
and loss of power in life. (Click on "Victim") It is under Psychology, You'll see
these same pieces there, plus a few others.
is, believe it or not, in the Life Management section on Being Powerful.
realization of where you are on the scale and comparing it to where you would want
to be (fully responsible works best!).
your power in life and your ability to cause your own happiness.
yourself switching to persecutor or one of the other roles! Be that or be "at cause"
we feel "hurt" or are arguing, we need to step back and ask what we want and then
address it in a way that works for both of us.