Run your life this way, and you'll have a great life.
(A brief distinction here: As an example of an emotion, shame might be described this way: "I did something wrong. That puts me in peril. I feel bad about that." Note the "feeling" that is caused. We tend to use feeling and emotion interchangeably, but emotion is generally considered to hold in it the whole process.)
KEY INITIAL POINTS
1. Emotions are merely mechanical, chemical signals.
a. They do no damage, unless we continue the physical reactions and
thinking that causes them to persist, as they dissipate in 90 seconds
b. 99% of the negative feelings are just from illegitimate fear/danger
thoughts, which can be corrected. (!!!)
c. Since emotions are physical, doable physical actions will affect and
2. We can do effective offsetting physical and mental mechanics to calm them down or to fire them up.
3. People vastly misunderstand (and misuse!) emotions.
4. A person absolutely can, without a doubt, achieve emotional mastery, and,
as a result, achieve unconditional happiness.
5. A person, if they follow this site's programs, should be able to:
Have every day be virtually stress-free. Nothing less is acceptable!
VASTLY MISUNDERSTOOD, SO VASTLY MISUSED!
Emotions are vastly misunderstood in terms of what they are. Because of this, we tend to misuse them, giving them the power to run our lives.
But they do not actually have the power to determine our actions, our behaviors!
And we can (we must!) actually gain the ability to "look at" them and to
differentiate as to what importance they have - and we can actually, with ease, just let them pass, while we choose better ones. We can only do this if we learn that the meaning we are attributing to emotions is total nonsense (or at least somewhat).
And we can live our days virtually stress-free. That is the ultimate objective of this section. (When we are living otherwise, we are doing so needlessly and harmfully!)
JUST MECHANICAL CHEMICALS
Emotions are chemical signals that cause (novitiate) us to correct threats, at any level, to our survival - and also to do what had us survive.
The "emotion mechanism" itself works fine, but we have added in not-valid contents to react to. We have added in "thought threats" that are not based on reality and which create needless emotional stress. You can see it in our lives, our bodies, and our quest for relief.
All we need do is learn about them to a sufficient degree to eliminate that which is not true and not functional. It takes some time to do this, but its benefits (including huge time savings) are immensely worth the effort!
I would classify this as essential learning, but learning that is not completed by most people. People simply 'quit' learning way too soon, not realizing the incredible benefits of being able to actually manage their feelings - and therefore the very quality of their lives.
That is what this section is about.
I subtly suggest that you:
NAIL THIS AREA!!! MASTER IT!!!! NOTHING ELSE WILL SERVE YOU BETTER!
This is the very core of your life!
THE OBJECTIVE - To live in
The Emotion "Zone" of high effectiveness, low stress, feeling good and powerful. No stress at all most days.
"WHO YOU KIDDIN', MAN!?!"
"High stress is just a part of this modern life. It's a given. You're full of it if you think we can live such a utopian, virtually stress-free life!"
No, I'm not kiddin'! Life need not be "hard" and/or stressful if we learn to live what is necessary and Live Life As A Life Champion (adjusting, correcting, upgrading frequently and being "complete" in our knowledge and practice of it).
SOME KEY POINTS
Your emotions determine the quality of your experience of life! And, thus, your happiness (an emotion that can be enduring if you develop the base for it being so).
I. Beliefs cause emotions, not people or circumstances.
This you MUST know if you are to be in charge of your life and happy. It will take awhile to get rid of your old (victim) beliefs. (Some "instinctual" mechanisms cause motion without thought, before we have time to think but only when it is necessary that we react so quickly that we can't spend the time thinking! See Evolution. II. Dissolve blame and criticism beliefs and you eliminate the great majority of negative emotions! Resistance to reality, which is useless, is a necessary habit/routine to eliminate.
III. Dissolve false fear beliefs and you eliminate virtually all the other negative emotions!
And the ones left will be like those of gazelles. They simply will motivate us to run to save our lives - and then we simply burn off the chemicals and go about grazing without worry.
IV. Affirmations without thoroughly believing the revised beliefs do not work very well. Believing, and convincing yourself with facts and sound reasoning are the key.
BUT WHAT IS TO BE DONE?
Of course, now you need to know what is to be done, hopefully via a specific path (a program, if you will) that you follow and when you complete the path you have the desired results.
This path well, of practical necessity, be one with milestones. At each milestone, and as we go, you will reap more and more benefits, feeling better as you, being more than rewarded for your efforts and time! A bit like school courses: 1st 101, 2nd 201, 3rd 301, etc.
Oh, and did I mention some time would be involved - shortcuts don't work and those who seek them do not end up well off in life - never!
So, you could
In the early years of my research I found that most theories didn't work and/or that there was no way to actually implement them. So I had to find and try more possibilities to see which worked - if they didn't work with me, then how could others who've studied alot less make it work. So these are all "field-tested" - and they work - happily for me!
Have a great voyage!!!!
If you for some reason scrolled past the big white space, these are just notes that have been reorganized into other sections, so that the pieces are more usable for learning purposes. Ignore them, follow the program and/or use the contents/links section.
1st: SEE 'THE TRUTH' (how things actually work):
Emotion is just a physical sensation from a strictly mechanical electrobiochemical process, initiated by the mind perceiving an association with a pattern - a process which evolved to help us survive better. Emotions are useful, but...
They are a temporary condition, soon to pass (1 1/2 minutes if not fed)
We "interpret" emotions and then "make up" explanations, often incorrectly.
2nd: DEVELOP THE SKILL, as a huge, huge must. (It is developable and it changes one's whole life.)
3rd: APPLY THE METHODS
All emotions can be dealt with in the same ways (in doable, not difficult ways):
Curing the cause (solving the symptoms does not stop the problem)
Clarifying the "mentally constructed" (erroneous) belief.
Getting rid of unrealistic expectations
Curing unrealistic projections
Breaking the circuit
Always, first, "the pause" (a split second is sufficient)
Then... Asking a question engages the higher brain, breaks a bad
Distinguishing the cause as based on something not true
Using "reciprocal links" to warning system to 'retrain' (rewire) reactivity
level, plus build the size of the screening system in the left pre-
frontal cortex, next to the "happiness center"
Certainty, safety, "sufficiency" exercises
Resources that help you distinguish
Understanding The Brain, The Teaching Company - 36 lectures, DVD -
We "make up" what's missing - that is as a normal brain function, which
cannot, by definition, be "the truth", even though sometimes correct.
An emotion is only a physical sensation from the mechanical reaction
to a set of patterns in the brain...(get at 70% off)
We'll summarize and explain these for you. (So you don't have to read all the books.)
YOU MUST KNOW AND UNDERSTAND HOW THINGS WORK FIRST!!!!
You cannot be effective in life until you learn and know
1. What the function of the mind is (and, first, of course, how it works) and
2. Until you know who YOU are (such that you are not confusing threats)
A vital distinction is for you to know who YOU are and what YOU are not. YOU are not the mind and it is not you. You are not that which you acquire, including traits, experiences, skills, etc. (which I am relatively sure that you don't believe, but when you do, you then have less to 'protect' and/or defend - and a major part of stress and suffering disappears).
The emotional system is a mechanism of great capability but limited to being like a child. It serves one master, one value: protecting you, doing all it can to have you survive, in a primitive 'better safe than sorry' overkill mode - and if you don't distinguish when it is doing that, you will be reactionary and victim to it for your life - unnecessarily suffering.
Emotion is not "the master", though it can generate powerful energy (chemicals) to motivate you through discomfort and such. But it is not YOU. It does not determine your behavior, what you do, nor decide your actions.
The YOU is your higher brain. The higher brain is YOU, from which you experience life and from which you create meaning, in the form of values. And it is YOU that must decide to do what is necessary to move toward those values, even while the mind, like a child, is kicking and screaming. YOU've decided what is of value and that you will seek freedom, being fully alive, and being fully happy - it is not your mind that decides!!!
With that, let's go through definitions and causes for emotions, as follows.
DEFINITION: A set of biochemical sensations (physical feelings) to which we add, via beliefs, a pleasant or uncomfortable interpretation, so that we seek it or seek to relieve it accordingly (called "urges").
An emotion is merely an inner urge to act - you don't have to act on it - it is just a biochemicalelectrical set of physical sensations - and no real threat!!!! And it is not a command, nor an indication of the truth! (People who believe the latter are stuck in the explanation that was made up to fill the gap of (mis)understanding; however, it is a legitimate factor to consider. See Intuition.)
Notice that most emotion is a result/effect of a belief (a "rule", in a sense, where something is "made up" about a happening as being a threat or a benefit, with the rules often being erroneous and never examined for validity) - if you want a different emotion select a different (better, true) belief.
ESSENCE: "Emotions are a means to an end, but they are not the determiners nor are they mystical forces that pounce upon you and take you over. They are merely feelings based largely on beliefs - and they are something we manage rather than vice versa. First, you must fully understand how they work and what they are. Next, we correct the negative beliefs that lead to negative emotions. And, then, with practice, keeping the healthy beliefs in mind gets easier and easier. Developing power (and habit) through practice completely transforms one's life and happiness."
"People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them."
"I am noticing some tension and uncomfortability in my body. It is a signal for me to look and then determine what to do. I see all emotions only as signals and as friends, to help guide me. I never "make-up" that they are something to fear."
This is a coping statement, aka a "perspective" statement, which would be added to one's tool kit for life, as part of one's philosophical foundation.
Navigating the section
For Perspective also...
The Wonders Of Emotion
Most Of It Is "Learned" Reactions
How Does One Manage His/Her Emotions?
Continue on from this page to:
Addictions, Anger/Critic, Fear/Anxiety, Depression, Frustration, Grieving, Pain,
Guilt and Shame, Inspiration, Overwhelm, Regret, Sadness, Stress,
Suffering/Struggling, and more... (Go to these using the search engine.)
Changing one's life viewpoint. Choosing:
***Our Personas - Inner Child, Outer Child, Adult, Adopted Personalities - Understand
Sentences - Re-"viewing", Re-"forming", Renewing
NAVIGATING THIS SECTION
FOR PERSPECTIVE, ALSO...
See also, for the necessary perspective and knowledge for managing one's life:
THE WONDERS OF EMOTION
As we learn in studying evolution, the function of emotion is to get us moving very quickly without having to think.
You jump out of the way of a speeding car you somehow detected, though it was not directly in your sight. Emotion has saved your life. If you had to think in order to recognize the danger, and think about what to do, you would not survive in life.
And it is those very features that get us into trouble also.
The "art of the deal" is for one to learn what to do the minute one becomes conscious of it in the higher brain.
MOST OF IT IS "LEARNED" REACTIONS
If you study how the primitive brain works (and matches up records mechanically, in order to figure out what to do) and you study the key unhappiness emotion of Fear, you learn that "most of what frightens us are things that we have learned, and therefore it should be possible for us to unlearn them." [Quote from the meeting with scientists and the Dalai Lama, with other Buddhists, under the auspices of the Mind Life Institute, as described in Daniel Goleman's book "Destructive Emotions".]
HOW DOES ONE MANAGE HIS/HER EMOTIONS?
1. Rework the underlying beliefs that cause the "negative", unhealthy emotions.
(There's three primary overlays that when dealt with disappear others.)
2. Rework one's underlying philosophy of life to create a super strong
3. Manage/eliminate the emotions in the moment, effectively!
Using these techniques, which have been proven over and over to work, will help you live a more stable, more powerful life where the emotions no longer rule. Managing one's emotions well can enhance one's motivation and one's thinking so that one feels (and is actually) very powerful and effective. Yes, emotions (caused by chemicals emitted in the body) are compelling, but they, by no means, must rule one's life. Emotions are results of thoughts/beliefs/fear-thoughts - ruling the thinking creates all of the results in one's life - ALL of them! (And we can train the mind [actually rewire it] to be calm and largely imperturbable.)
Many of these emotions were useful in caveman days, but they are misused and overused today.
In this Emotion Management section, we include topical coverage pieces to read. Read the overview ones first (they're identified), in the Emotional Management Overall section.
Return to this section after reading the rest of the overall discussion on emotions:
Essential: know what function these were originally designed for and then you can manage them!!!!
Return later to review:
SPECIFIC EMOTIONS OR EMOTION MANAGEMENT ISSUES:
Look to see which problem or desired result is and simply go to that section. However it is best first to understand the basics of emotions, as that understanding catapults you into greater effectiveness when you get to the specific item to apply it to!
GROUNDING SUMMARY MODULES - To put this and overall life into perspective:
Our Personas - Inner Child, Outer Child, Adult, Adopted Personalities
Read the piece below but it is useful also to get a bigger perspective on life
by reading the "quick summaries" on
mental health and happiness.
As a part of your learning and implementation process, read and understand CONTROLLING THE EMOTIONS IN THE BODY - SIMPLE AND QUICK , as these actions and techniques are directly doable and practical and don't require some quantum leap in thinking - i.e. they're not hard to do.
Read per interest:
Blame, Anger, Criticism
and minimize these, for a happier life. See also Relationships,
be clear on those things you can control and what you can't. Finish this here and
Emotions, Feelings, Emotional Maturity
to master emotions, so one becomes the victim of them. Avoidance in order not to
feel in the short term leads to much negative emotion and the desire to distract
oneself with unuseful, unhealthy activities.
We overeat, smoke to get "dopamined", drink, drug out - and what we get is less
many, many more emotions and special sections beyond the writeups below.
Frustration - Frustration Tolerance Level - Increasing It And/or Lowering Your
Frustration - It is well worth putting out the effort to stop any frustration cycle.
Intuition - Often misused, but if used appropriately it has much contributory value.
the theories and practices of psychology regarding emotional balance, including
cultivation of attention and qualities of loving-kindness, compassion, empathetic
joy and equanimity.
SENTENCES - RE-"VIEWING", RE-"FORMING", RENEWING - This section has been moved to the Internal Conversations section. Perhaps the most vital component of formulating a
happy life. A sampling: