CONTENTS
The principle
A difficult battle for me
The decision must be made in perspective, combining long and short term
So, what I implemented that worked was
Supporting structures
My internal conversations
Rewards
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THE PRINCIPLE/LAW
The "law": There is a price to pay for everything. That's a reality one needs to accept; if one doesn't, one gets to suffer. (See Accepting Reality.)
The key here is to make sure that the "life money" is spent well for the greatest benefit and to avoid paying too much for too small a benefit. (That is accomplished by thinking things out ahead, which is part of the planning process and includes using the skill of decision-making and problem solving. To live a really great life one must "spend" (invest) the time in planning, as it begets the greatest return for one's time, as suggested in 80/20 Living.)
A DIFFICULT BATTLE FOR ME
Recurring over and over, one of the most difficult struggles I've had is in resisting paying the price now for what I wanted as a payoff later. Of course, part of the problem was that I had little emotional reserve left to "spend", as I needed some payoff really soon in a desperate battle to keep my emotional tank from drying up. The result was that I would do things with payoffs that were falsely anticipated - which in turn cost me more!
The other part of the problem was that, in the moment, where I was needy, I lacked proper perspective. Proper perspective is on one of the "points of power" from which one creates much better results. (See Using The Higher Brain and Power In Life.)
THE DECISION MUST BE MADE IN PERSPECTIVE, COMBINING LONG TERM AND SHORT TERM
Since we have a physical system that seeks "homeostasis" (emotional and physical balance), we need to manage the short-term, now emotions so they aren't pulling us down. And at the same time we need to increase the seeing and the impact in the now of something that will occur in the future. (Read for deeper understanding The Physics Of The Mind.)
Managing the emotional leaks is key to keeping one "feeling good", which helps keep one in perspective, as perspective can not be maintained without a struggle if emotions are pulling you for the short term filling of unmet "needs."
Besides having fewer wise inputs, emotionally immature human beings do not accomplish much, because they violate the laws of practical "gravity". And then, to complicate it, those people almost always adopt a victim or helpless mode to try to work life through - a self-sabotaging modus operandi.
As a child we expect to be ""given" things, without having to pay a price. The belief that this will work is, of course, a false belief, but one that is held onto continuously, at great cost but for no benefit. One of the most significant changes and entries to adulthood is made when one realizes that "no one is coming" to rescue one or to give something to you, so it makes no sense to wait or continually try to manipulate things so that one can be rescued. This is the victim mentality, which is the most significant thing to give up if one wants to have a great life!
To grow in being more and more of an emotionally mature adult, we need to realize that it works to follow the laws, one of which is that we need to keep ourselves in a higher state of resourcefulness (correspondingly, out of a lower state).
SO, WHAT I IMPLEMENTED THAT WORKED WAS...
List of areas:
Supporting structures
Supporting Internal conversations
Rewards
SUPPORTING STRUCTURES
We all operate better if we put in place supporting structures, which can be anything from having a coaching partner to having a time when one plans while in a higher state of resourcefulness.
Building in accountability and/or definiteness is a major success enhancer. You would place it in your schedule while doing Weekly Planning. A defined time set aside makes a huge difference. Having another person you told that you would do this makes a considerable difference also.
MY INTERNAL CONVERSATIONS:
Questions: (To put myself into the mode of using my higher brain instead of engaging in the "feelings" that are generated from the lower brain, I used these questions. Many gurus call this "the power of questions".)
What would a highly mature, powerful man/woman do?
How would he/she think?
Do I really want this enough to pay the price?
Is it really urgent that I need to do other things or can I appreciate doing this
now, as an investment in a happy future?
Affirmations:
I am capable of being fully an adult. I choose that now.
(This one may seem silly and demeaning, but the reality is if one is not
doing the worthwhile long term payoffs one is behaving more as a child
would.)
I am doing the right thing.
The payoff is much higher than the cost.
The cost of not doing things promptly will be greater.
Used a coping statement armada:
This will get me what I want in the long term.
I am ok for now. There is no other need.
When I am finished I will reward myself with...
Realizations:
I always have to pay a price, but I needn't "add to" the price by making a poor choice.
REWARDS
Although it would appear that we are giving in to our lower minds, we can actually use what appeals to the lower mind to manage the lower mind more successfully - then we get a happy lower mind plus a happier higher mind.
However, the rewards should not be those which are "short term anxiety relieving but long term damaging".
(To be completed, but usable now.)
Integrate later:
You always have to pay a price, but we needn't "add to" the price
pay a little price or a bigger price (later)buy well - choose the best benefit per amount of price
for TV - it doesn't "feel" like a price but time is the price, being in a mildly depressed state..
Psychological time - what takes our time psychologically? We have plenty of it, but seem so busy.
