(IMPORTANT: To read footnotes in a document on the internet, under "view" click print layout.)
ESSENTIAL! Immediately before this you must take the checkups for selecting a partner, to see if you really want to create this relationship. Review the Finding/Selecting Your Partner section for the relevant pieces. See at least these:
WARNING! This is the biggest commitment (other than having children!) in your lifetime! Any extra efforts have a huge payoff in terms of making a better decision. Do not proceed to getting married without having fully looked at the Compatibility and Indicator pieces and without actually knowing the psychology of the other person and getting full agreement as to handling any problems (see commitments and agreements under Communication and under Sustaining). Do not proceed until these are fully in place! There is a reason for such a high divorce and marrital unhappiness rate!
FULLY ESTABLISH COMPATIBILITY
1) Lifestyle and shared activities (= companionship)
Several of the books recommended (Hendrix is one) list activities that each will rate as something like really like, like, will go along with, don't like, really don't like. List out and rate especially those you want to do with your partner and see how your partner would rate those!! You'll need to have some activities together in order to spend the vital "quantity time" that adds to closeness. (After awhile in a relationship, making love is not enough, and the wooing activities and show of how sociable, innovative, and wonderful one is will fade.
2) Relationship commitment and way of relating to each other (= "the relationship")
Both of you must understand relationships and be properly educated to produce compatibility in
See how to fill each other's needs and understand what your criteria are for screening:
Read at least two of the books (under Finding And Screening).
Use the 12 set CD series recommended.
3) Fully acknowledge and test THE INDICATORS
Frank feedback from others is essential and it must be paid attention to. Also, you should write down an evaluation of the indicators (see reference below). Not having these laid out clearly, the biggest mistake I ever made was assuming that the person would do as agreed and would be the way I wanted - but the indicators of the "fall back" personality were there - and if I would have looked at that list and rating sheet, I would not have entered the relationship!
own, rate them and then actually "look" to see what the indicators mean for the future with
this person.
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"Our Relationship" Notebook
Relationship Reference Notebook
"My Relationship Creation" Notebook
Read the key documents (in capital letters) as a grounding exercise and then items that are of
interest. You can read the website like a book, if you print the items of interest and insert it into
the Relation Reference Notebook (see above).
On each sitemap page, (F) = a worksheet or form to fill out and/or use.
OVERALL
including filling up your own tank and not shopping while hungry or not functional.
process, using "staged" sequences.
