Suffering equals...
Of the total, 99+% is "curable
Become an expert, in order to not suffer
The basic causes of suffering
Do the opposite of the causes of suffering!!!!!!
    The opposites of suffering
Chapter Two: Further learning
    Learning the causes and eliminating them
    Why we experience emotional pain
    The successful opposites
    How people can trap themselves
    Some pieces for your perspective


You are the sole creator of all off your "bad" feelings.  It is not the circumstances and it is not other people that create it.  Learn and
understand and know the basis for this great truth.  The stuff you "made up" has no basis in reality, so you don't need to suffer about it!

                                                                                   The BuddhaKahuna

Shit happens.  [Get over it!] 

                                                                                    Forrest Gump

Stupid is as stupid does.  [Don't be stupid about life, learn and don't add in the unneeded suffering part.]

                                                                                     Forrest Gump

Struggle is like taking a cross country trip in your car with the emergency brake on. You may get there, but you are burned out at the end, and you missed most of the fun sights on the way.  The need to struggle and effort to get what we want is an illusion, and like all other illusions (or assumptions) by their very nature they keep us from seeing the truth that's right before us.

                                                                                   Dr. Robert Anthony


Suffering = the added negative meaning of "this shouldn't be", "poor me", and "ain't it awful".  

It comes from

1.  "Violated expectations" (that are held as must-haves),
2.  Disappointment from expecting things to last (when they don't),
3.  Punishing oneself in hope of motivating us to get a better result, and
4.  Anticipating future suffering (so you get to suffer in the now about possible suffering). 

Suffering is strictly created from a "mental construct" (something constructed in the mind, made up; a neuronal pattern) that includes in it a negatively felt emotion; the construct is solely made-up and not necessary (not functional) (though we might have made-up that it is necessary). 

Pain is strictly a direct result of a physical happening; "emotional pain" is "created pain" (just a mental construct, not reality), which we have a choice not to create.  (The "emotional pain" results from an unnecessary construct that is not reality, where we add a negative meaning that is also not necessary nor is it reality.)

Ironically, we try to escape from the uncomfortability of the suffering, in the form of "seeking relief", but we seek it in a dysfunctional way that causes more suffering.  (Relief could be as simple as just breathing and letting go, instead of escaping by doing some distracting behavior or partaking of a substance, both of which have bad side effects.) 

We beat ourselves up about it, using some false belief that it will benefit us to beat ourselves up.  We end up, then, with "compounded suffering" (multiplied several times).  (See Getting Rid Of Suffering - Second Darts [which we add to the first dart].)

Since it is strictly a "mental construct", then we can mentally unconstruct it.  To deny this truth is to create a concrete, blind block to experiencing happiness. 


If one sums actual physical pain [reality] together with all the self-created suffering, the self-created suffering is 99% of the overall total.  That means that the actual base level of pain in our lives is less than 1% - so our lives are not nearly as bad as we think - and if we think further about that, we have a wonderful trade-off deal, where the cost is less than 1% for all the greatness of being alive!  (Read Package deal in life.)

Since we ourselves create that suffering through dysfunctional, erroneous, untrue beliefs, we can "uncreate" it.  We uncreate it by identifying the bad results, deciding to see what actually works, and then replacing and installing the new beliefs, which are both functional and true - and they are the ones that are the source of the ability to be happy! 

So we swing from a minus score (negative emotional values scored and added up) to a big plus score.  (Most people have a minus score or a low plus score even though they will say otherwise.  People who say they are happy, when scientists checked in on how they were feeling, at random times, found that people were stressed and/or mildly depressed [especially after a half hour of watching TV!] - the net results were mostly negative!)

Effect of reducing the negative and adding the positive:

         Positive score                               85 (or more)

                                                                          Altering, replacing

         Current negative score:              -135 units

Notice the net gain is virtually infinite, just going from negative to a positive.  AND I assure you that the net units of gain of 220 will make one heckuva difference in anyone's life. 


Some people aren't aware of their suffering.  The physical signs are unnoticed or denied, so there appears to be no problem.  But while it may be experienced as only occasional suffering, there is a huge loss in potential happiness on the other side.  The test?  Stress, blood pressure, less than optimal health, physical pain or soreness or stiffness, the desire to escape (as shown in your behavior of actually escaping into distracting, useless or harmful activities - drinking, drugs, TV, etc.).

Take the Personal Stress Evaluation (3-5 minutes)- and get your score. (Do this, as we need this starting point measured, so we can use it to compare with later scores from the effect of your studying and implementing these materials.) 


Becoming an expert in this topic allows one to be an expert in "not suffering", which will enable a greater level of happiness.  I consider it an area that is hugely vital to understand, as did the Buddha and the other wise guys.


Basically, we are given one heck of a great package deal in life, with some "negatives" and one spectacular amount of positives.  If one "sees" that perspective, one will accept reality. (Accepting reality is a large contributor to having Power In Life, as the opposite, resisting reality, is a huge, huge source of disempowerment.  You can tell if you're "disempowered" by the amount of time you spend seeking relief.)

In Buddhism, as in other top philosophies, it is the fact that we continue not seeing that we have a good deal, so we search around for ways we can get
"more" so that we will be happy.  Until we get more, then, we are by definition not happy during the interim.  The Buddha calls that (needless) suffering, self-created, and notes that it causes much damage.  What he said is true, but there is one additional element that is necessary to actually create the suffering.

Though we'll explain this in more detail, we add to "what is" a meaning that says "this is awful" or, basically similar, "this is threatening", which then triggers the fight/flight response in the body and we then "feel bad" (due to chemicals in the body being out of balance and "uncomfortable").  Other than an actual physical threat, the fight/flight response is totally created in reaction to a "non-threat", just an illusion we made up - and one we suffer from!  We made it up when we weren't real smart or rational yet, earlier in life, yet we tend to choose to still believe in those unexamined false beliefs - despite the evidence, if we would care to notice, that they don't work to produce the results we would like to have in life!

That's it, in a nutshell. 

The means to the "cure" is discussed below.

Use it and all the struggles of life disappear and the complexities fall away.


We experience life through a viewpoint (I call it a point, a figurative place, from which we view things) or some call it a filter

It is also called a "way of being", which is, in itself, a "viewing point".  And if we shift our viewing point, like the blind men feeling the elephant, we come to a differenct conclusion.  If we shift from holding ourselves as being the persona of a victim, to even pretending to be a strong adult, our experience and what we do will be different.  (See the section on how that works: Being).  

Of course, you've heard this concept before, but most people create a trite understanding of it (which is hardly any understanding and very surfacy) and don't realize the full impact of it and that it provides the most valuable tool an individual can choose to use - that of choosing to insert oneself into a role (a figurative place) that has a healthy point of view to run life through.

When I say that the viewpoint creates the "result", I am talking about the most important result from your point of view: how you experience life. 

Anyone with any study in the area of psychology knows that it makes no sense to live life as if a happening (often called, incorrectly, a stimulus) is the cause of our feelings and actions.  

Believing that is one of the most damaging of all untrue beliefs! 

The so-called "stimulus" is simply a neutral event to which we add meaning through our beliefs, which then cause our feelings.  If the feeling is a "bad" feeling, it is always from an untrue belief.  (See the quiksummary on page Emotion Managment.

The point of view that works for the greatest effectiveness in life is knowing we are able to choose and create our own beliefs and thus are able to create our own emotions. In a very real sense, we choose our emotions when we choose to hold an untrue belief as true (or choose to remain ignorant of its effects, where a negative effect is the proof of a belief being untrue!). 

Sometimes we are "fooled" into believing we are just a victim of an immutable pattern, i.e. that the way we are is the way we are, as if it is a given.  The reason we think that is that we keep on choosing to use the same pattern over and over, creating the same result over and over.  As it is repeated over and over again it seems all pervasive - and then we, illogically, see it as "always there" and therefore permanent.  (See Are We Permanently The Same?

When a person sees and understands this, there is, from that realization alone, access to great freedom.  

If one "looks" and then states what is happening, life looks like this:  I am creating this, I am creating this, I am creating this...and so on.  Then when one sees that one is just recreating old recordings from the past and using them to run one's life, one has the freedom to create new recordings and patterns to live.  If one's life is not as one wants it, then we must, logically, choose to stop doing the same thing and hoping for different results.  (The latter is, as you know, the definition of insanity.)  The road out is The Required Process To Change Beliefs - it is totally doable, though it does take some time - time that has an immense payoff!

It is from the untrue beliefs that we create something called suffering.  We have no control (other than avoidance) over physical pain, though we can offset it with medicines and health practices.  The pain is inevitable.  But we need not suffer "about" the pain and we need not suffer about illusions of meaning that we make up. 

When we recognize the illusions and no longer honor them or believe them, when we know them for the unreality they are, then we are free to choose what we want to put into "the space", so to speak, to create a great life. (See the movie A Beautiful Mind, and note that he was, metaphorically, doing the same thing we are talking about, and this created a whole new life.  Definitely see it!)


The key viewpoint from which all life works emanates from choosing to be a Rational Nurturing Adult, and, correspondingly, to recognize and choose to taking on the persona of being a Child.  Implicitly you already know most of what is included in the set of characteristics and ways of being included in the Rational Nurturing Adult Role (you have "metaprograms").  You simply need to choose the role and all those knowns will immediately act in your favor, with an immediate boost in personal power.  (This works.  This is practical.  I guarantee it!)

One who chooses the being of a child is pulling a racket (a false front for the purpose of a payoff, often illicit in nature).  So it is good to apply the process of looking to see what the racket is and what the great costs are so that one can make a new choice of a way of being and let go, forever, of the old way.  That is the access to a new powerful way of being, and, indeed, to happiness itself.


When something isn't feeling good, consider whether you can harvest it for a good result (i.e. to figure out what would feel good).  Almost always, you can simply follow the rule of doing the opposite of what makes you feel bad.  These are some of the opposites, to insert into your life and not only displace the suffering but to convert life to the opposite. The opposite of suffering is happiness.  (Enter the items into the search engine.  Also, add some of your own.)

Almost always, you can simply follow the rule of doing the opposite of what makes you feel bad. 

These are some of the opposites, to insert into your life and not only displace the suffering but to convert life to the opposite:

Self-Soothing, Self-Nurturing,
Empowering Self-Talk,
Coping Statements,

If you think about it, you can add some others - and then "do" them.


Learning the causes and eliminating them

See other sections for processes that contribute to suffering and processes for eliminating it, such as in the section Psychology Overall, "Sentences" and the section Psychology, Emotion Management, Fear/anxiety.  Indeed, while we can have sadness and other natural emotions, we can choose not to create the extra suffering.  See The Dialogue About Beliefs, Foolishness, And What To Do About It - a key grounding piece for all of psychology.

Under the Emotion Management section, we deal with the emotions of fear/anxiety, unhappiness, guilt/shame, regret/remorse, grief and others where we exacerbate the pain by misusing and misinterpreting these emotions, resulting in creating more pain and suffering.  (Those emotions are listed and linked for your review and how to deal with them on the Emotion And Fear Management Contents/Links page.  Correspondingly, since you'll recall that beliefs are the cause of emotions, many of them are listed as beliefs on the Beliefs Contents/Links page.)

I recommend you discontinue continuing to cause yourself suffering!

The "big cause"


                                                     - Paraphrased from Barry Neil Kaufmann

Why we experience emotional pain

To discover the answer to that, read Pain In Life Versus Happiness And Peace , which includes an overview on how to reduce or eliminate suffering.

Integrally connected to that, you should understand the basis for emotonal pain, as defined in Pain - Avoidance and Magnification.   In this, you'll learn that suffering is, indeed, optional.  We can have pain and still not suffer.  

Deeping a bit deeper, we  should understand and know the Sources of Suffering , which addresses the basic 3 sources and the variations and how not to suffer anymore.  Additional insights are in the piece  What We Suffer
About (Under Buddhism, which is a discipline where there are many useful pieces of wisdom and useful practices, but, first, I found it to be necessary to pull out the esoteric stuff and to get to the basic truths, so you'll see those included on this site - understand these basic truths, as a foundation for the rest of your psychological well-being.)

The successful opposites

Since wishing things were different than what exists and since hoping for and depending on something to make one happy in the future are the key sources for suffering, it is necessary to understand why and how Accepting Reality makes a huge difference. 

Many people get into the childish fantasy of wishing only the good stuff was in existence and being unhappy about the bad stuff, instead of seeing the whole picture, as is discussed in This Is What You're Given In Life, Will You Accept The Whole Deal?

Suffering And The Struggles Behind It - A half page derived from a conversation with a small group, about the sources and how to simply eliminate them in the first

How people can trap themselves
In the Accepting Reality section, there are two pieces which relate to the unhappiness traps we set for ourselves - which we actually believe are true and a given condition we cannot overcome!  

Accepting the reality that you don't really need acceptance from others is a core concept...I suspect that you'll resist this, so start learning its validity:       Acceptance From Others, How You Cage Yourself In On This.

Letting go of  the so-called (but not actual) 'need' for approval and letting go of the
concept of loneliness can give a person tremendous freedom to produce happiness in a more realistic way.  Read Approval, Loneliness, Eliminating The Suffering and Dependence .

An example of "non-suffering"

My Enlightenment Experience Being Sick In India, Gratitude And Non-Suffering - A profound, though simple, experience that will stay with me forever, where I didn't add any pain or suffering because of...

Pain Not Suffering - Extreme physical pain but choosing not to suffer.  Those who
"suffer" from emotional pain need to learn that the suffering is created by them!     

Some pieces for more perspective:

Disability And The Four Noble Truths - Suffering Is Optional - See how to give up
suffering even when there is pain...

Read the few key pieces under Overall Philosophy, in the Philosophy section, as it covers expectations, view of the world, and acceptance. 

See the discussion in Buddhism, especially the Four Noble Truths Rewritten and, on how we add suffering:  Suffering Second Darts.

Old notes, possibly reintegrate?

And we create something called suffering, suffering that is totally unnecessary.   Essentially, we suffer because we add a thought the equivalent of "ain't it awful" or "I can't stand it", both of which are false statements.  Indeed, Buddha nailed it when he said "pain is unavoidable, suffering is optional."   [I recommend that you do not choose to take the latter option!!! (Duh!)]

It is helpful if one knows what the sources of suffering are AND also knows what the opposites of suffering are, such as gratitude, self-soothing, a clear philosophy.

Healthy thinking emanates from being in a powerful, rational way of being.  Healthy thinking causes "good" emotions.

Unhealthy thinking, which is erroneous thinking, is the source of all "bad" emotions and suffering. 

I highly recommend you choose healthy thinking and all that supports that, including learning more about the skill and the viewpoint.

When something isn't feeling good, consider whether you can harvest it for a good result (i.e. to figure out what would feel good). 

Almost always, you can simply follow the rule of doing the opposite of what makes you feel bad. 

These are some of the opposites, to insert into your life and not only displace the suffering but to convert life to the opposite:

Self-Soothing, Self-Nurturing,
Empowering Self-Talk,
Coping Statements,

If you think about it, you can add some others - and then "do" them.

Note that the opposite of suffering is happiness. 

See below The Opposites Of Suffering.

Note that not choosing to do the opposites of suffering means that you are choosing to allow yourself to suffer.  You are the one who gets to choose whether or not to suffer!!!  


Struggle is trying to rearrange the world so that it aligns with
the way you think it should be.

We have so much available to us, yet we continue to strive for more and more.

Abundance is waking up to the reality that you are already the person you yearn to become and that you already have everything you need in this moment.  [I know, I know, you do not yet see that you already are the person you yearn to become, you just are not yet clear on this.  See if you can "grok" this:  I Am Perfect As I Am...]

The denial or more accurately the resistance to who you really are is what keeps you struggling. Abundance is about falling in love with WHOM and WHERE you are. It is focusing on all that you have and not losing yourself in all that you don't have. In the end it is this thought that allows you to create anything you desire.

                                                                  Dr. Robert Anthony

Notes On Suffering
For later integration into the site

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Screw Reality! - The Art Of Non-Acceptance,

to further fine tune this human tragedy.

Learn how to really get good at it.  Or... (maybe the alternative is better?  D'ya think?)

These are all "essential learnings" as they form the basis for our being able to live a good life.

Sources Of Suffering - A fabrication that is totally unreal.

What We Suffer About 

Fears Vs Reality - You must learn to tell the difference!

"Second Darts" - First darts happen, we add second.

I Gave Up Trying To Control
The Uncontrollable, And,
Now, I Am Safe - See how and why.

Accept reality - Huge, essential to higher happiness!!!
Realities Of Life - Once you "get" this, you eliminate the misunderstanding that is at the basis of one's being unhappy.

Package deal in life - Would you accept this deal?  But, somehow, when we're in it, we don't keep the right perspective.

Gratitude - Underrated somehow, but one of highest ingredients of happiness - and very doable, too!

Needs - We don't really know what these are - and we mix ourselves up emotionally about it.

Wants - The other half of the confusion    

Lots of readings, at the end of this article.  I recommend you solve this!  Forever!