Orient yourself: Read below.
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THE #2 GREATEST SOURCE OF HAPPINESS IS: SEEING 'WHAT IS THERE' AND ACCEPTING AS 'JUST FINE' WHAT IS NOT THERE, AND REALIZING THERE IS PLENTY. LEARN THIS AREA AND YOUR LIFE WILL CHANGE DRAMATICALLY FOR THE BETTER!
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He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.
Epictetus
[If you can realize that what you have is 'enough', then what you don't have is not legitimately a source of unhappiness!]
One of the greatest sources of unhappiness, indeed, even of suffering, is the thought of what we don't have, or might not have. If we realize that what we don't have does not matter at all, by realizing the mountain of what we do have, then the missings will be like molehills, so small... soon disintegrating into nothingness - and we are then left with only gratitude...and happiness....
The BuddhaKahuna
But, then, you ask - no, you really assert - "but what do I have to be happy about, to be grateful about?", really meaning "I don't really see what I have to be grateful about, but I do see what I'm missing and what's wrong and how things aren't as I demand them to be." And, in response, I say "let's 'look' and answer that question, seriously, and completely enough so that we never wonder again" - for the answers are what pave and smooth the road of happiness...and they are worth our very lives, as there is perhaps nothing greater to thoroughly, completely, and finally learn.
The BuddhaKahuna
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It's very difficult to get this point across, about how important gratitude is, for we often don't see it or we dismiss it as if it was nothing, taking it for granted. But to engage in this learning process, you'll have to have a sort of "possibility faith", enough to delve into it and see whether to proceed further - noticing the results as you go, and seeing how great they are. And this faith is reasonable in that it is based on what ALL the experts agree upon: "Gratitude is ..." (See Quoting The Experts On Gratitude Causing Happiness.) Be sure to get this clearly in mind!
If gratitude is a key to health and happiness, shouldn't we become expert at it?
The gift that keeps on giving, in the greatest sense, where we keep on receiving and receiving and receiving... - a perspective, a reminder, an inspirer...
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WHAT TO DO NOW...
GRATITUDE SECTION OVERVIEW AND SUBSECTIONS: For Context, read the Happiness Modules.
The Overview - What not to do, what to do to be happy and grateful!
After reading the overview, go to:
your plate...and to review until you've compiled your own
Contains pieces on:
Affirmations
How well off am I?
My strengths, achievements, memories
this implementation program to develop this skill and declare what you are
grateful for.
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URGING YOU TO FULLY ENGAGE IN THIS
This is the essential key to happiness. I recommend that you spend a few hours exploring and learning this and that you then begin the "gratitude practices." This is very, very, very, very much worth your while as one of the biggest payoff things you can possibly do!!!!!!
The why:
"If what we don't have, or might not have, is what causes unhappiness, then realizing what we do have might be the greatest disappearer of unhappiness! (Duh!)"
A vital skill:
"GRATITUDE IS A VITAL SKILL, A FOCUS, A VIEWPOINT TO BE LEARNED AND HARVESTED FULLY. I urge you to practice this, even if you are not yet able to see the benefit. It works!
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THE OVERVIEW
WE DON'T SEE ALL THE GOOD
We don't see all that there is in life, all of the blessings, as they tend to drift into the background, deposited into the "take it for granted" slot. What we think we have pales compared to what we see on television and in the movies and to what we think others have - we focus on what's missing rather the mountain of what is there.
We underassess what we have and then we set an unrealistic standard for what we should have, creating the "unhappiness gap", which is the space between where we think we and where we should be.
However, indeed, we have so incredibly much to be grateful for and so incredibly little to worry about. (Worry is the opposite of gratitude, for it is about what is potentially missing, instead of about what is in existence.) Indeed, when we have our full perspective in looking at life, we would often be singing Gracias A La Vida.
EVOLVED TO "PROTECT" US
Fortunately, in one sense, we evolved to have our minds look for what is wrong so that we can be protected against potential danger. It is always trying to protect us and to have us survive - that is good! (There is no such thing as a "dark shadow"; it is just mislearning.)
Unfortunately, the systems are antiquated and out of touch with current reality, as we will definitely survive, which means that we no longer need to focus on finding the negatives. But, still, we continue operating on "automatic" (which we need not do!). We become the victim of what are termed "automatic" thoughts, as if we didn't have a say in the matter. That's ridiculous. For we do have the ability (the intelligence) to see what is real danger and to distinguish what doesn't matter. We have the absolute ability to interrupt what is negative and to deem it as having no use - and then dismissing it in its very nothingness.
Of course, the Affirmations section deals with a good part of this, so it pays to learn how to really understand what is true and how to affirm it. (Never use affirmations that are unrealistic! Never affirm what isn't in true or possibly true!) Establishing a solid foundation for what is true and supportive is a vital function that you must take responsibility for fully implementing, as it makes no sense to leave a primitive mind in charge, repeatedly spewing out old, unrefined beliefs. Besides leaving no really stupid thought unchallenged, it is our responsibility to get rid of untrue, harmful beliefs and to replace them with what is true. See the Beliefs and Thoughts section.
One belief that makes no sense at all is the belief that there isn't enough and there should be more. It is, per the Buddha, the source of all suffering. The solution to end all suffering is to see that we have more than enough.
THE REMEDY
The way to remedy this is to
1. See what exists (what is there) that is good (all of it)
2. Shift our attention to it and
3. Repeatedly look at it (or repeat it) enough to actually physically rewire our thinking (so that the new way of viewing becomes automatic!) [And to remind us, for happiness in the moment, perhaps using the Reminders Notebook.]
4. Accept that it is sufficient to have what one has and that it there is no missing that is a problem. (Of course, you can add things, but their missing is not a source of suffering.)
Memorize, so it is automatic and always top of the mind, to see "the mountain" of all that is there, plus 10 more major gratefulness statements, that you can recall without reading them.
One of the fun but illuminating exercises is to fill a jar with a bead for each thing one is grateful for. Keep the jar in full sight in order to "remember". (Multicolored beads make the jar more of a decorative piece.)
It has been proven scientifically that the brain is plastic (pliable, capable of growing and being reprogrammed) and that it will adapt with new "neuronal pathways" in about six months of doing something different - and it'll let the unused parts elsewhere whither away! (See Managing The Mind, How The Brain Developed.)
In the studies on Happiness, the practice of writing down just 3-5 things you are grateful for, every day (see the more detailed instructions) proved to increase happiness on a lasting basis, as one becomes trained to see what is actually there in existence instead of just what is missing.
We have an incredible number of gifts, such as our thousands of automatic body and lower mind functions - plus the most incredible computer ever created, by far. Yet, somehow, many people are so focused on what we don't have (taking what we do have for granted) and what we "lose" (despite still having thousands of good things left!) - and they are experiencing unnecessary stress and anxiety, with the corresponding effects on the body and its immune system and our very happiness.
(Stress and anxiety result from wanting things to be other than they are, which is the source of Suffering and Struggle.)
One of the practices that I suggest you add is to keep a Reminders book, in which you keep things that will offer you the chance to review what you are grateful for, what works in life, what empowers you, what inspires you, what has you know that life is good, etc. See the table of contents for that book to get an idea of the great contents. Looking at this every morning, as a regular practice, will, I guarantee, make a huge positive difference in your life! See The Grounding, Reminders, Inspiration Section.
This is a great life, full of opportunities and things we can never ever lose - and we can make the most of it, and appreciate it as we go. We can actually have a secure base in life from which to operate freely without threat - and we can live lives far beyond what we are living now!
Become an expert on this!!! Become a master of this, as a priority over everything else.
Enjoy!!!
And, hey, listen up! Read the recommended books and articles! Become very, very, very knowledgeable and good at this! This is a skill to become an expert in!
Read What To Be Grateful For - Examples, and become thoroughly cognizant of the abundance of what we have - don't leave it at the level of triteness. This is vital in your life.
(See Resources For Gratitude, and read them over time, though I'd recommend picking up right away a book that profoundly affected me right away: The Gratitude Effect, by John DeMartini.)
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Remember to look at:
To get an overview and a link into key pieces to choose from:
Contains pieces on:
Affirmations
How well off am I?
My strengths, achievements, memories
To follow a program, so you're not approaching this randomly and unsystematically!
this implementation program to develop this skill and declare what you are
grateful for.
