EMOTIONAL HURT
IS THIS JUST AN UNNECESSARY GAME?
Being written, but you can get the gist through reading this and the referenced pieces!!!!!
CONTENTS
Understanding, as the key
Is it real? Part of a stupid game?
Stories upon stories upon stories - believed!
...
Necessary reading
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UNDERSTANDING, AS THE KEY
Understanding this is the key to unraveling it and having it "disappear". (See the side panel to see the discussion on "disappearing" a problem.)
So, what is going on when a person "feels hurt"?
"Hurt", in this case, is a form of emotional pain. Therefore, you should prep yourself so that you'll know why emotional pain happens and how it is the evolved way to motivate us to fix something that could be a threat to us. (Read Emotional Pain.)
As you'll note when you read about Emotional Pain, it is caused by one's self conversation that conjures up there being a threat.
WHAT IS "THE CONVERSATION" HERE THAT CAUSES THE HURT?
Let's say that you've interpreted what was said or done by another person as "disrespecting" you (or insulting you). What are you saying to yourself such that you "feel hurt"?
Are you actually ‘hurt” if someone disrespects you or are you simply creating a conversation that leads you to the conclusion that there is a threat (which may or may not be true)? (Note that you might not bring this to your full conscious awareness of the whole conversation, so we "fill in the blanks" of what is going on in the mind in some way that would logically lead to "feeling hurt", or "feeling bad".)
"This person disrespects me. He/she doesn’t think much of my importance or capability. This means I will not receive his/her support (and/or it implies that there is something wrong with me that others will see or I fear is right) and I need their support to survive ok and so my primitive mind is telling me to correct it by conjuring up the thought “I feel hurt.”
(Note that there is some “victim” thinking going on in that statement. A victim will often add a "blame" sentence about the person doing it on purpose and then conjure up anger about it.)
Another person might, instead, note the possible disrespect and then think: “While I would like their respect, it is not necessary to have it. So what! I'll just move on and I'll be fine.” Also, the underlying thinking might include such statements as: “I am fully capable on my own of operating at a level in life that will be respected by others” and/or “I am also capable of doing just fine without the support of others.”
THE BOTTOM LINE HERE IS THAT IT IS SELF CREATED
Another person cannot hurt you. The person could say something that might indicate disrespect or not thinking much of you or your capabilities, but this WILL NOT cause you to feel bad.
You create "feeling bad" from the conversation that you have about what that person said and what you think that means with regard to it threatening you in some way.
One of the key themes of this site's discussion of emotions is to be sure to understand the process of how an emotion is created and the role that your beliefs and inner conversations have in causing those. (See Emotion Management and learn about this, so that you'll be able to deal with all of your thinking and emotions as they come up - without being the victim of them!!!! And you'll no longer be experiencing those negative emotions anymore (or at least a lot less)!)
See the links in the sidebar and below to further understand what is going on here:
IS IT REAL? PART OF A STUPID GAME?
Emotional pain? Is it real pain? (See Emotonal Pain, The Emotional Pain About Emotional Pain, to elaborate upon this and some of the motivations and beliefs we have around it. )
Can others actually "hurt" us (other than physically)?
Isn't this really a rather stupid game?
"Don't belittle my pain. It's real!"
Yes, it is "pain" in a real sense. And we are not diminishing it. Surely I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't care about this or if I didn't see it as causing damange.
STORIES UPON STORIES UPON STORIES - BELIEVED!
What I am saying is a "stupid game" is the story-based process we engage in to create the pain.
It's a story about a story and then based on "facts" based on the original story being true, which it isn't!
How does it "hurt"? Physically we feel tense and our holding, so that there is a pain. But that pain manifested in the body is from a choice, not from an actual danger.
NECESSARY READING
Pain In Life Versus Happiness And Peace - Why we experience emotional pain. The so-called "pain-body" is simply an accumulation of unsolved dangers, where the mind sends out messages for the body to hold and prepare for a possible threat that is unresolved.
Physical Pain And Discomfort - This is how we can stop suffering needlessly adding to physical pain. At what point does physical pain reach a tipping point over into being too much?
Duplicating In Order To Disappear Something
(From the famous phrase from growth seminars and literature: "What you resist persists. What you duplicate disappears.")
Essentially, in all problem solving we must accurately determine what is actually going on. That process we might also call "duplicating" what is happening, such that we "see it" and then get to make a choice about what to keep and what to correct or do additionally to solve the problem in our thinking.
If we fail to "duplicate" something, we leave . "undistinguished", not seen in sufficient detail or clarity, looking something like a big blob. The issue or happeningt cannot be dealt with until it is "unblobbed", which is "put into specifics", identifying each specific component and making sense of how they interact and relate.
(See Making Distinctions - A Vital Key To Living A Good Life! which is part of the Problem Solving process.)
