I have caused myself much needless suffering over my life. I didn't know better, surely.
I didn't "see" the abundance of "good stuff". I wasn't taught that.
I set unreasonable expectations and incredibly hard standards that were killers of my happiness.
I didn't need to live life as a "when, then": I'll be happy when x happens.
I didn't need to create the huge fears of (imaginary) loss. I didn't see that there was little to fear in today's world.
I just didn't know, yet...
But now I have the opportunity to know.
And part of that is knowing that I have a base that is sound and more than enough, that I need not worry about having more, and that everything above that is just a bonus, the dessert, but not the main meal. There is nothing to fear losing...
QUESTIONING THE "FEAR-LOSS" BELIEFS
The question to ask oneself when any belief-fear comes up: "Will this really damage me in terms of physical harm or being able to eat and have shelter or is it all just in my mind?"
Should I play chess in my mind, while eating enough, but suffer because I am not winning the game...?
Are we just playing for 'who knows what' we really "should" have, where we should be at, only to have to win in order to be good enough, etc.?
Are we stupidly playing (to win) the unwinnable game(s), especially in the games where we keep moving the goal posts, to want more and more? (That's what Buddha identified, rightly, as the source of suffering and struggle - 'all for not', with "much ado about nothing".)
My life and "more" was undefined and therefore unreachable, as I set criteria that were countrerproductive to me and to what was more important in life. K
All I need to have as a goal is happiness. And if I give up all the artificial games and only ask, and sincerely listen, "Will this add to my happinessas?" and then follow the answer, won't I have done what will work in life?
So what if there are alot of undones in life, I'll never finish them anyway, now or by the time I die? I'll just do enough, leaving some undones, and I'll be fine.
All I need to be happy in life is to take care of myself, to self-soothe, to self-nurture, to affirm what is good, to accept reality as it is and not fight it, to appreciate life, myself, and others. That's it.
HOW DO I NAIL THIS DOWN?
Do a fear list and an anxiety list - and then apply the criteria of the true base that is actually needed for happiness versus the one that I am creating with my erroneosus beliefs.... Ask "Is this necessary for happiness, while thinking of someone you know of who is happy but doesn't have that?
You might want to read, remembering that it is "not enough" and fearing for your safety that cause your being unhappy:
BUT... BUT...
But how can I let go of these "dreams"...?
You said it "dreams" and you've made those mandatory, increasing the standard and increasing the "gap" of unhappiness...
All you need do is appreciate what you have. That's it. That's life. That's happiness with life.
