THE BIGGEST CAUSES OF STRESS
PRIORITIZED BY IMPACT - FOR SOLUTION FIRST!
tba, in process, contributions and suggestions gladly received
If we "get real" about what actually causes stress and which of those causes has the biggest impacts, then we can do the next step: to solve them, in order of priority and impact. (Actually, there is "good stress", but we are really talking about "distress", where the "stress" goes too far and has us feel bad.)
And the result will be that we will reduce our stress dramatically, increase our health dramatically, and feel dramatically happier!
The goal is to have every day be full of interesting or challenging activities and to feel virtually no distress all day. where we
CONTROL
One thing we need to be clear about is that we, not the circumstances or other people, are the cause of 99% of our distress! It is not "out there". It is not in circumstances or people we cannot control. It is in the arena of what we can definitely control.
Let me be clear about what I mean by what we can control and can't control. We cannot control the misbeliefs and mistaken patterns kicked out automatically by the mind in its normall mechanical manner - but we can control what we do with those "thoughts"/beliefs.
Buddha refers to the fact that first darts will inevitably hit us, but we need not hit ourselves with second darts. Read the link if you need further expansion on those.
ABILITY TO COPE
Not feeling we are able to cope with threats that come up in the future. If we were totally confident that we could handle whatever happens, we would not feel any stress at all - we'd only feel mastery and pride. This is being "fully in charge", not of outcomes outside of our control, but of what we can control and influence, with no being stuck on having had a bad outcome.
Of course, we do not want to set up the expectation that we must be perfectly in charge and total masters of life, in some sort of fantasy - or we will set ourselves up for stress at not meeting the expectation. This is where we learn something called acceptance - not acquiescence or giving in or giving up, just not resisting where resisting is fruitless and upsetting! Upsetting our minds/body is the very definition of stress (distress)!
If I solve the top 20% of the causes, I will have reduced my stress by 80%.
Rate these on a scale of 1 -100 as to how stressful that is for you. The list is only an approximation of the order in which these could occur.
Not feeling we are able to cope with threats that come up in the future.
Setting too high, unrealistic standards and expectations - and seeing ourselves as being short of them as a "threat", which is totally untrue.
Fear of not being able to handle something when it happens and not coping with it. (We underestimate how well we will cope - in fact, we cope much better than anticipated.)
Exaggerating its consequences and underestimating our ability to cope with it and how well we'll adapt naturally.
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Building the core skills increases the confidence level, thereby lowering the stress level.
