I have the opportunity to test my learning level and the soundness of my philosophy. It was inevitable, though no one can know the timing. And, if I get to live through it all, I get to pay special attention to what is going on, to be very conscious, so that I extract all the learning and good from it and know the joy of living, regardless of what occurs outside of my mind (in the outerworld and in my body).
My PSA shot up from 7.5 (which is "danger" anyway) to 22.5, in one year. A major indicator of prostate cancer. The indicators were already there: getting up more often at night to go to the bathroom (from the enlargement of the prostate, common to older men, but not at this increased frequency).
I get to retest next Tuesday, as the urologist said of last month's results that "such an increase must be from an infection, please retest in a month."
Oh, well, I knew from other indicators (such as my extreme measure on "free PSA") that there was very, very likely cancer present, although the two biopsies in 1999 and another in 2007 were unable to disover cancer cells. But a PSA above 10 is a huge poor indicator.
So, now I get to deal with this. I don't like the interruption and slow down in my work, as I would like to make lots of progress.
I don't like any discomfort, but it'll not run my life.
Whatever the treatment, it is likely that I'll suffer some incontinence for awhile, but I'll just adapt to that.
I think I've reconciled myself to the potential loss of potency common with treatment for this. They can cut the nerve, but also the effect of treatment with hormones (estrogen) to get rid of the danger of testosterone, which prostate cancer feeds off of.
Many people, including my cousin, have lived for a number of years after this.
I'm not afraid to die (see Death), as that is inevitable, though I would like at least another 20 years, as just think of what could be accomplished with all that time!
Most of all, I don't like the inconvenience of the operation and the medical care. But, at some point, that is fairly inevitable with age, though I'd like to be more like "Happy Woman" (see her write-ups via the search engine) at her age, vibrant and strong.
I've done the best I could, given the level of my awareness and my journey. I've been living on the healthy side, and I'm proud of that, though it hasn't been perfect, it has been pretty darned good.
Life is good. (And I hope to have lots more of it. But the journey has been more than worth it and more than enough, regardless.)
